Yep, still a coffee brat.

On my last post, the good people at WordPress included at the bottom some links to “Possibly Related Posts.” Generally, I have ignored these things ad initio, but one caught my eye as it spoke to one of my biggest Barista Pet Peeves, the self-proclaimed “Starbucks Illiterate.”

Now, it shall be duely noted that I love people and have hope for everyone to attain new knowledge daily wherever they may roam. It’s the beauty of getting up off your bottom each and every morning and embracing a new day. You’re never quite sure what kind of fun and fantastic things you may learn. Even if it just from reading a Starbucks menu board, or a menu board of any food service location you may frequent.

That being said, I’d like to express to all “Starbucks Illiterates” that roam the land to please don’t stress and don’t fret, for the answer to your fears and woes of ordering just a cup of coffee is no more than 10 feet from your face and if you are reading these humble words have already completed step one of becoming fully fluent in Starbucks. You’ll be ordering a “Tall Latte” or “Grande Caramel Frappuccino” in no time. Promise.

For you see, step one is nothing more complicated than recognizing letters to form words. It’s so simple, even a five year old does it. At Starbucks. All the time.  

No longer will you have to plague your Barista with questions such as “What’s a Medium?” or confounding orders like, ”Extra Large Mocha Frappalatte” or “Biggest One You Got Strawberries and Cream Frapp.”  The answers and options that you seek are presented right in front of you on the beautifully set up and clearly written menu board. Drink names, sizes, prices are all there. There is no need to rack your brain for something that you might think makes sense any longer. Starbucks is one step ahead of you and has provided you with the resources you need to know what you want and order it well. 

It will be much, much more comforting when you realize that you don’t have to hope and pray that we are going to magically concoct that pastry you just made up off the top of your head, or know what you mean when you throw together five or six words at random from the menu board to create something that you’d never want to drink, ever, I promise.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate and respect the journey that everyone embarks on to become fully Starbucks literate, but I believe in my deepest hearts of heart that with some ABC’s and Tall, Grande, Venti’s, you’ll be out the door with your Tall Vanilla Latter in no time. Because lets be real. You don’t really want a Super Size French Vanilla Cappuccino anyway.  It’s a warm vanilla milkshake and hence The Worst and you don’t really want the calories anyway, do you?

P.S.- Don’t EVEN get me started here.

 

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